How to Tick Off
by Percy dude fan
Summary: Basically a guide to ticking off the stuff in the Percy Jackson series.Rated T for funny material not for under 13.Lol Please review!
1. Gods

**Do not try to do any of these stupid things these are meant for retards, idiots, and sons and daughters of the god Ares and Aphrodite... hey!!**

**Hope you enjoy!!**

How to tick off the gods

Tell Aphrodite she worse then Medusa and Kampe combined

Tell Ares he's a coward and then kick him in the soft spot...Youre going to taste my foot you little **CENSORED**

Tell Zeus that his daddy wants to give him a hug

Tell Hades that the Underworld doesn't really seem like a lively place

Tell Dionysus he's an overrated drunk

Tell Hermes that he looks like Tinkerbelle when he flies

Tell Hephaestus he can't make anything worth a crap

Tell Apollo his car looks suckish and he looks like a nerd

Tell Athena that she couldn't have been from Zeus's thick skull and that she's stupider than Ares or Aphrodite...Stop doin' that punk!

Tell Demeter she has worse food than a hobo on the street

Tell Artemis that she has to have liked men sometime

Tell Ares he's stupid...AAAAARRRRHHHHGGGG you're going to die punk!! lol

**Hope you liked it.It wasn't my best work, but I still thought it was funny.Tell me if **_**you**_**liked it or didn't like it.I'm going to write to more chapters including Demigods and Monsters.Will update soon!**

**P.S. I was not harmed from Ares or Aphrodite as it is, even though Ares is a jerk…….AHHHH**


	2. Monsters

It's me if you like it or not, and I'm back with another chapter of funny

**It's me if you like it or not, and I'm back with another chapter of funny.Hope you hate monsters, cuz that is what this one is filled with!! P.S. I still hate you Aphrodite.Even though your hot, your very stupid and gullible. Your goin' to pay for that you little #!#!! **

**Good ol' Aphrodite. Always swearin' and playin the hard way. lol**

How to tick off monsters

Tell Kampe she's got a little something on her head

Tell Greyon that three heads are always stupider than one

Tell the Sphinx that if she didn't give people stupid tests, she might actually have a life-or not.

Try to give a hundred handed one a high five and then slap his face and say, "I missed"

Tell a Cyclopes that in this world it's an eye for an eye

Tell Medusa that if she doesn't get a haircut, you'll do it yourself

Tell the kindly ones that if they got any kinder, you would have to put a bow on their heads and a sword through their stomach

Tell a Laistrygonian giant that if they were really cannibals, they should eat themselves.

Tell Crusty his beds should go to Tartarus and ask if he ever heard of the word toothpaste.

Tell the cheerleaders/ vampires would be better if they studied Medusa and Kampe

**That ends my second chapter.Not as good as my first, though.Please post comments on your way out, and if your not to busy, check out my other Percy Jackson stories. They are pretty intense.Give me ideas of future topics to make fun of.**


	3. Demigods

Sup everyone

**Sup everyone!!All you guys are welcome to my party except Serious buisness, who I got a very mean and crappy review from.This chapter is the one you've been waiting for!!Demigods!!If you have time, please take my poll!!**

How to tick off Demigods

Tell Annabeth that Percy went to the dark side lol

Tell Clarisse that her daddy sent her flowers

Tell Grover that his girlfriends tree burnt down

Tell an Aphrodite kid that she looks like a thousand pounds of crap AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tell Percy that his mom was killed by Luke and Annabeth is now in love with Luke

Tell Luke that he has something on his face then say oops just your face

Tell a water Naiad that she looks a little blue today

Tell Tyson that he doesn't need a Halloween costume to scare kids

Tell Tyson that all of the ponies in the world have died

Tell a tree spirit that when she cries, it looks like she blowing her nose,green tears??lol

**Hope you liked this new chapter!!Please post a comment on the way out, and try my poll. Ares:Hey kid you didn't insult me or Aphrodite today!!Nice job!!Me:That son of a jerk and his wife think I let 'em off the hookd!!hahahahahahAres:AAAAARRRRRRRHHHHGGGGGG zapMe: I dodged it you- uh oh.Goodbye peop-**


	4. Authors Note

Like I said before, you could step in at anytime and help me think of things to make fun of, because seriously I'm out of stuf

**Like I said before, you could step in at anytime and help me think of things to make fun of, because seriously I'm out of stuff. I knew this one wasn't going to last out my profile, just updated words, picture, and some new funny stuff, and a poll for everyone to vote your way out of here, I'm probably starting to bore you, please review this story or any of my other hits. Bye!!!**

**( \ _ / )**

**(O.o)**

**Bunny rule!!!!![I'm a guy, I love bunnies????big deal!!!!]**


	5. Yo mama jokes

**This is sadly the last chapter, and has nothing to do with the Percy J. stories. Just a ton of yo mama jokes. Review, because this is last chapter. None else.**

Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama is so fat…

Yo mama is so fat, people run around her to get exercise.

Yo mama is so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said, "To be continued."

Yo mama is so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.

Yo mama is so fat, her nickname is "Lardo".

Yo mama is so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama is so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo mama is so fat, when she was floating in the ocean, Spain came and claimed her for their New World.

Yo mama is so fat, she was laying on the beach and everyone was yelling Free Willy.

Yo mama is so fat, when you get to the top of her, your ears pop.

Yo mama is so fat, that when someone wants to shake her hand, she has to give them directions.

Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"

Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people run after her saying, "Taxi!"

Yo mama is so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo mama is so fat, she has to iron her pants in her driveway.

Yo mama is so fat, she has to put on all her makeup with a paint roller.

Yo mama is so fat, when she tripped over 4th Ave she landed on 12th.

Yo mama is so fat, when she bungee jumps, she takes the bridge down with her.

Yo mama is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a shirt that said, "Caution, Wide Turn."

Yo mama is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stands on a scale it says, "One at a time please."

Yo mama is so fat, when she fell in love, she broke it.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stands on a scale it says, "Sorry, no livestock."

Yo mama is so fat, she got her own area code.

Yo mama is so fat, when she jumps up in the air, she gets stuck.

Yo mama is so fat, NASA has to orbit a satellite around her.

Yo mama is so fat, when she plays hopscotch , she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…

Yo mama is so fat, when she went to Japan, everybody was running around yelling, "It's Godzilla!"

Yo mama is so fat, even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction.

Yo mama is so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk-white and chunky.

Yo mama is so fat, I had a had to take 4 busses and a subway to get to the other side of her.

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up in sections.

Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an amusement park people try to ride _her._

Yo mama is so fat, when she rolled over four quarters it made a dollar.

Yo mama is so fat, when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun.

Yo mama is so fat, when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell.

Yo mama is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Yo mama is so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

Yo mama is so fat, she fell and made Grand Canyon.

Yo mama is so fat, she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in.

Yo mama is so fat, even her cloths have stretch marks.

Yo mama is so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.

Yo mama is so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo mama is so fat, when she fell, she rocked herself to sleep by trying to get up again.

Yo mama is so fat, when I drove her around, I ran out of gas.

Yo mama is so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo mama is so fat, when she dances at a concert, the whole band skips.

Yo mama is so fat, she stands in two time zones.

Yo mama is so fat, you have to grease the doorframe and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo mama is so fat, her college picture had to be aerial.

Yo mama is so fat, she uses trees to pick her teeth.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on a rainbow, she made skittles.

Yo mama is so fat, she would have been E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.

Yo mama is so fat, when she got hit by a bus she said, "Who threw that rock?

Yo mama is so fat, she ate Jaws in one bite.

Yo mama is so stupid…

Yo mama is so stupid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to drown a fish.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to throw a bird of a cliff.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got locked in a T.V. store and died of boredom.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.

Yo mama is so stupid, it took her two hours to watch sixty minutes.

Yo mama is so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

Yo mama is so stupid, you have to dig for her IQ.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Yo mama is so stupid, she bought a solar powered flashlight.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks a quarterback is a refund.

Yo mama is so stupid, she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"

Yo mama is so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."

Yo mama is so stupid, she got stabbed in a shootout.

Yo mama is so stupid, she stole free bread.

Yo mama is so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super bowl.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sits on the T.V. and watches the couch.

Yo mama is so stupid, she jumped out of a window and went up.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took an umbrella to see Rain Man.

Yo mama is so ugly…

Yo mama is so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."  
Yo mama is so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.  
Yo mama is so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."  
Yo mama is so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.  
Yo mama is so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower  
Yo mama is so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck  
Yo mama is so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.  
Yo mama is so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.  
Yo mama is so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"  
Yo mama is so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.  
Yo mama is so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.  
Yo mama is so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.  
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes onions cry.  
Yo mama is so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote.  
Yo mama is so ugly, they put her in dough and made monster cookies.  
Yo mama is so ugly, even Rice Krispies won't talk to her.  
Yo mama is so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone.  
Yo mama is so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.  
Yo mama is so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.  
Yo mama is so ugly, people go as her for Halloween.  
Yo mama is so ugly, that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.  
Yo mama is so ugly, I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.  
Yo mama is so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mama is so old…

Yo mama is so old, her social security number is 1.

Yo mama is so old, when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama is so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama is so old, her birth certificate says, "Expired" on it.

Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King while he was a prince.

Yo mama is so old, she knew Dairy Queen when she was a princess.

Yo mama is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mama is so old, her birth certificate is in Roman Numerals.

Yo mama is so old, she has cobwebs in her panties.

Yo mama is so old, she ran track with the dinosaurs.

Yo mama is so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.

Yo mama is so old, her first boyfriend was a T-Rex.

Yo mama is so lazy…

Yo mama is so lazy she has a remote to control her remote.

Yo mama is so lazy, she came in last place at a snail marathon.

Yo mama is so nasty…

Yo mama is so nasty, you have to wipe your feet on the way **out** of her house.

Yo mama is so nasty, she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo mama is so nasty, I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.

Yo mama is so poor…

Yo mama is so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."  
Yo mama is so poor, she can't afford to pay attention!  
Yo mama is so poor, when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!  
Yo mama is so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!  
Yo mama is so poor, when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"  
Yo mama is so poor, your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.  
Yo mama is so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.  
Yo mama is so poor, she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."  
Yo mama is so poor, she drives a peanut.  
Yo mama is so poor, she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo mama is so dirty…

Yo mama is so dirty, she makes mud look clean.

Yo mama is so dirty, when I asked her why she doesn't take baths, she said, "The bathwater runs away."

Yo mama is so dirty, you can't tell when the mud ends and she begins.

Yo mama is so dirty, she was banned from the sewers because of sanitation worries.


	6. I will stand

**This is an authors note in which I write to keep me from being very bored. One thing about the reviews I'm getting for this, [like my mom said] If you don't have anything nice to say, then just shut the frick up! I don't want to hear if you don't like this type of story or whatever I want to hear the meaning full parts. How good it is, what for me to do if you don't like it, just don't get all pissy-offy in my face, o.k.? Sorry if i'm being kind of mean in this chapter, not really a chapter, but seriously. I love to get reviews for any of my stories, just not ticky off oh this sucks so bad, delete it, I hate it. No. How would you feel if someone was like oh I hate this story just write a new one and don't update. You would get mad wouldn't you??? I didn't really mean this for all of the people that didn't like this story and wrote bad reviews, just for anyone. This is what I'm writing for Percy. Percy rules. Anyone have any objections to that??? Anyone? Please tell me ****personally**** if you do. I'll take care of you. I meant it. Take care of it. Never mind. This is a writer and readers opinion. Tell me what you think and I might actually do a whole story about putting your foot down for crap like this. **

**Please read and review. Your opinion matters. Maybe. Hopefully. You get the point.**


	7. Funny Authors Note

**This is yet another authors note that let's my story be back on top. Here I will mindlessly tell you about this story.**

**This story is about cheese topping and enchiladas and Grover. I hope you have a fork and a pickle for this purple one! Toilets make this big banging noise when you shoot them. Pictures can harm you if you shove a spoon in their ears. **

**Sorry if that disturbed you, but I got bored. **

**Hope you read the other good stories I have! Goodbye!**

**No, seriously, stop reading this. Go away. Stop following this. I must end it…**

**Hahahaha I ended it! Oh, &!*. Good ridense.**


	8. What is this, like the third AN?

**I have officially decided to end this suckish going story. It takes wrong turns after yo mama jokes, and that was the end. I am putting this up so maybe a few more people can experience the crappieness. Have fun!!!!!! **

**So don't forget to answer my new poll!!!**


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